A return to me and the beginning of 3

Todays the big day. In a few hours I'll be heading to Labor and Delivery to get prepped for my c-section. In a few hours I'll no longer be carrying twins in my belly I'll have them in my arms. I think back on the past 38 weeks and wonder how I've made it this far. 2 weeks and 1 day from a full term pregnancy that if one looked at statistics should never had gone so smoothly. I credit the smoothness to lots of prayers to God, both on my own and from others on my behalf, a laid back approach to aches and pains which allowed me to overcome things without thinking too much into them and finally being too busy with my little girl to worry. In the beginning of this pregnancy I thought a lot about the future, what the babies would look like, how they would act, where they would sleep, etc. Towards the end I thought about each day as a kind of send off to our old life. Gabriella and I did a lot of special mommy/daughter activities because I knew it would be the last time we'd be able to do them so easily. I got wonderfully tan because I knew I'd be spending a lot of time in the shade taking care of new babies. I ate a lot of tasty desserts and wonderfully spicy dishes because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to once the babies arrived. And here I sit at the precipice of a new life with no regrets about how I spent the last few months of the old one. I look forward to meeting these two new little Montoya's, I hope they are as beautiful and sweet as the little girl I already have, but if they aren't that's ok too. Lightning doesn't often strike twice. I never really wanted twins, by saying that I mean I never really imagined myself with twins with matching names when I was playing house. Now that they are almost here I will admit to having some anxiety about telling them apart and fostering a sense of individuality within each of them. I worry about being able to feed them at the same time, giving them and Gabriella enough attention. In a word I'm scared. Scared of the unknown and undetermined. But alone here in my kitchen when the unknowns swirl around me like a tornado I only need to look up because on the other side of the ceiling is a beautiful, well adjusted child who I've had 5 years to screw up and haven't yet. I'm hopeful I'll be just as lucky with these two.